Tag: bullies

Did You Fail Your Kids? I Have. . .

I failed my kids. . .

I love my boys more than anything, some days I love them so much it hurts. You want your kids to be successful in life and to be good humans. Recently I read a post about teachers humiliating students and it struck a cord with me. I posted about my son and his being humiliated by a high school football coach, someone that was supposed to be a leader and a role model. My son is in college now and upon graduation plans to teach history, he also wants to coach lacrosse. He will be a good coach, goodness knows he has had plenty of bad coaches to learn how not to coach. I am thankful for the few encouraging coaches he has experienced and no shock that they were all lacrosse coaches.

Saddened daily by the state of our education system. . .

Both of my boys were bullied and humiliated by coaches, teachers, and students they thought were their friends. It saddens me more that my kids did not share this with me until after the fact. They were good at putting on a good face. I prided myself on being open and approachable. Some things they did talk to me about but for things they knew I would go to the mat over they kept to themselves. I found out too late to do anything about the turmoil they went through so, I am sharing my humiliation as a parent that did not stand up for my kids.

The high school and middle school teachers, coaches and administrative staff have a responsibility to educate our children and not beat them up. Their responsibility is to act like adults and be mature in dealing with students. Teachers should not be demeaning students or shaming them for anything, they should be trying to bolster the students’ self esteem. Some children only get negative reinforcement at home and need that positive influence elsewhere. Some students are looking for someone to say; “good job,” or “I knew you could do that problem” or ” way to go on that test.” They do not need someone else saying ugly things to them and embarrassing them.

I had my fair share of humiliation. . .

I had my fair share of humiliation in high school from teachers. My best friend and I were taking an advanced math class and our teacher would put these very difficult problems on the board and then say that his daughter could do this one and she was only nine years old. How helpful is that to students? I remember distinctly one day going by after school to try and get extra help on an assignment and his response to us was: ” you two are dumb and I do not know how you will ever graduate college.” This is why I majored in biology and my friend majored in history. My friend and I walked away and we never said anything about him acting like that to the administration, I cannot remember if I told my mom and dad or not. Probably not. My friend and I still talk about that day and how bad we felt after being told we were dumb.

Conclusion. . .

My friend graduated college and so did I. She has just retired from teaching and I know she was an awesome history teacher. The students that she had always reach out to her to tell her how glad they were that they had her as a teacher and they share their successes with her. I pray daily for our teachers because I know it is no easy job. It scares me terribly to think of Sprat teaching but, I know God is moving him where he needs to be. It is never our plan but God’s plan for our lives and God does not make mistakes.

No Cell Phones for the Kiddos

I took a lot of crap on this one. . .

A little back story; most if not all of Sprat’s friends got phones by the time they were in middle school, some even had them in elementary school. The hubby and I were of the mindset that phones are a need for adults not a toy for children. During this time I was a stay at home mom and the boys were either at school or with me. No reason for either of my boys to have a phone. There are some cases where I understand a child would need a phone to reach a parent if both parents worked and there could be transportation issues. Let us not forget how many kids went through the school system before there were phones and survived just fine. Even parents can fall in to the trap of peer pressure.

One of the main reasons my boys did not get a phone until it was a need. . .

Cell phones give people access to the internet and all sorts of communication. For adults cell phones are a necessary evil to be productive in their jobs. Children do not need that kind of unlimited access to the internet or their friends. Giving a child a cell phone is like inviting their bully from school into your home, the pedophile that was just released from prison or has not been caught yet into your home. Yes, I am being very serious there is so much out there that children should not have access and you cannot be there all the time to watch over that interaction. Kids are bullied every day in school, both of my boys were and you would not believe by who. If they had phones during that time those bullies would have had access to my boys at home where they should feel safe and secure.

Yes, adults/parents can fall victim to peer pressure. . .

Determined I would not fall victim to peer pressure with my boys. Sprat in fifth grade and Big T in third grade, Big T jumps in the car and reports Sally has an iPhone. I have changed the names to protect the overindulgent parents. LOL!! I simply replied Ok, and how was everyone’s day? I tried to gloss over that because I knew that would set Sprat off because all he could talk about was how he needed a phone. I always laughed and told them both a phone was not a need for a child. I have to ask why a third grader needs a phone and an iPhone to boot? It has to be peer pressure, no normal parent would say; hey, let’s spend $800 on a new phone for our special little third grader.

You would think my children were the most deprived. . .

To hear my oldest tell about his phoneless sophomore year of high school you would think we shoved bamboo shoots under his finger nails every night after dinner (liver and onions). By Sprat’s freshman year in high school all of his friends really did have phones, but many of them bought them with their own money. I have no problem with a kid that has a job buying a phone and paying for his service and phone himself . In fact, I thank that is awesome and kudos to the parents that have kids that are that industrious. Mine were not that industrious, Sprat thought his dad and I printed money in the basement.

The straw that broke the camels back . . .

When Big T was finishing up sixth grade my very sweet hubby was re-organized out of a job. Yep, two weeks shy of twenty-five years with the same company my sweet hubby was laid off. He looked for work and after six months with no luck I decided to look for something part time to help with insurance once his severance ran out. I found a great job that I could work part-time with insurance benefits. This was very exciting, but this meant that days I worked Big T would be riding the bus. The boys did not mind riding the bus, they had ridden it a couple of times before. The problem was that being part-time I could get called in at the drop of a hat. This meant that Big T’s transportation could change with very little notice.

Need to back track here just a bit, at this point Sprat has his license and yes a phone too (not an iPhone). Sprat got a flip phone not a smart phone for his first phone when he started driving. I do believe kids that are driving do need a phone for just in case. Now Big T a seventh grader is going to get a phone (not an iPhone). When Big T got a phone I broke down and Sprat did finally get a smart phone. Let all the horrible mama talk begin. . .

In Conclusion. . .

I have laid it all out here, you must in the end make the decision that best fits you and your child. Just remember once you open Pandora’s Box you cannot close it.